I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
