Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
