I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
