And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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