He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
