is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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