Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize