:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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