i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
