All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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