I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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