i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
