Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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