The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
