Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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