You can't special order awesome
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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