i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
