hotel room ftw
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
