i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
