Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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