he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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