I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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