You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
