im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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