im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
