I need help removing her.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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