i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
