how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
