and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
