And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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