Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
