babies were throwing up all over the place
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
