I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
