I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
