I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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