I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
