I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
