just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
