saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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