Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
