I just cut my nipple shaving
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
