I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
