I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
