My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
