census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
