I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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