I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
