he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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