Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize