i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
