I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize