Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
