Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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