just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
