You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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