i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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