i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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