Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm like, not good at living.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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