Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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