he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize