it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
