i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
