Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
