This girl is more easily done than said...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
