I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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