Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
