I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we're so committed to being not committed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
