I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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