I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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