How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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