i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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