marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize